Reader Comments

Memory Hack Review

by Nishish Sandy (2018-12-31)

Containment is a hard concept for some parents to understand, because it overlaps with discipline and structure,Memory Hack which can be taken to extremes and become abusive. Not letting kids see their friends at all or punishing them to the point that they are physically or emotionally hurt, are examples of extreme containment. Healthy containment, by contrast, provides the message that the parent vows to keep their children safe and give them realistic feedback on how the world at large will receive their behavior. For example, letting young girls dress provocatively or act in ways that might put them in danger for sexual exploitation needs to be addressed, with respect and compassion. A parent might say, "Honey, you look pretty but I am really concerned about the way you're dressed. I don't want people to treat you like a sex object. I want you to put more clothes on." You're not likely to be well-liked at that moment. Yet you've sent a message to her that she's important, worth protecting. You don't want to see her hurt by others or by her own actions.Some parents provide so little containment that their children feel confused, angry, and act in ways that make them disliked. Containment can help socialize children and prepare them to be well-liked and respected as adults. Sometimes parents worry that they will not allow their children to fully express themselves if they exert influence on their children's behavior, and in extremely critical families this can occur. However, there is a fine line between being concerned with what society expects of kids and allowing them to be who they are. A child can intentionally hurt himself or his family, or community, without any consequence from his parents. That is an alarming state of affairs! Some of my acquaintances have spent thousands of dollars on residential treatment for both their children. One youth has substance abuse problems, and the younger teen has become highly disturbed. I predict these parents will continue spending money on these children in vain. The parents refuse to set limits with their children and follow through with their limits. A limit must be set with their son, now 22, so that he stops using drugs and alcohol while living under their roof. They also need to cooperate with the drug treatment programs they place him in my cooperating with his drug testing. They would also do well to set behavioral limits when their adolescent daughter insults, slaps, and screams at her mother. This is an extreme example of lack of limits, and it shows how desperate things can get when there are no consequences of maladaptive behavior.